it's kind of like a bad break up.

every now and then i catch myself getting lost in the abiss of the 'why's' and the 'what did i do wrongs'.
i dreamt about it last night...it was raining, the president found out i'd been let go...she demanded i be brought back.
so they extended my employment by a week.

it's like a break up. and you keep wondering what you could have done differently to keep the relationship thriving. then you catch yourself and realize it wasn't a relationship you really cared to keep thriving.

it's not me sweetie...i think this time it's all you.

i keep trying to explain to people that i don't even want a new job in this industry. i've gone from one crazy company to the next, always hoping that this time it'll be different. quite frankly, i don't think i have the physical or the mental capacity to even try yet another go.

the most common response (encouragement?) is that i need to give it time. i just haven't found the right fit yet.

i want to cash out. take my money (what little i have left) and run. do something that actually makes me feel good at night...fullfilled. something with meaning and purpose rather than just figuring out how to pad someone else's pockets and then feel like shit when i can't crack the formula.